dancingastronaut ♥

Back to Iraq

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 15:46:25 GMT

Dad's going back to Iraq early. His plans changed from 04/28 to 04/02, so I'm taking off Friday afternoon to get down to Houston. My step mother called, sounding flat. There's something she's not telling me. Last time he went, there wasn't much mention of it. In fact, nobody told me until two days after he'd flown the coop. They do that a lot, for some reason.

This time? She's offering to fly me down, wants "the whole family together" before he leaves. When I first found out he was up for another tour, I couldn't shake the feeling that he wouldn't coming home, as crazy as it sounds. This doesn't make me feel a whole lot better.

I'm sitting in a fog right now. Based on past experience, it won't let up until he is safe again.

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 16:08:55 GMT

All the good stuff is friends only. This is not updated anymore. See emohen.

Currently Reading...

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 20:55:48 GMT

The Female Malady: Women, Madness and English Culture, 1830-1980 by Elaine Showalter

I'm on page 105 and I must say, it is so far fantastic. It is at once both enraging and thought provoking. I very much enjoy feminist literature with a purpose.

I've gone ghetto

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 16:03:11 GMT

My typical shopping list:
eggs · hummus · water crackers · Hit cookies · yogurt · apple juice · lean pockets · cup o' soup · french bread · muenster cheese · cottage cheese · lactose-free milk · chocolate soy milk · apple cinnamon granola · plums · canned peaches · roasted chicken · fresh salsa
Total: about $35-40 for 2 weeks

This week's shopping list:
eggs · ramen noodles · yogurt · onion bagels · bouillion powder · peanut butter · white bread
Total: $12.08 for 2 weeks, and $4 of that was the peanut butter!

I figure I'll either gain 5lbs or lose 10. I can just see myself stocking up on triple creme brie and organic baguettes come August, to make up for all the lost time. I went to Albertsons. ALBERTSONS. The food snob in me is in the corner, weeping quietly and cutting itself.

From a photo contest

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 06:41:09 GMT

So back the fuck off.

IM

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 00:47:50 GMT

An ex and I are talking about sex

softlylighted: you'd still do it? I mean, considering everything? my, err... thing?
softlylighted: not to mention I'm still a whack job.
softlylighted: but guys dig nutty chicks, right?
xxxxxx: hmmm...well i don't know the effects it would have on me if i did
softlylighted: it will eat your soul.
xxxxx: honestly
softlylighted: for real. all of it.

I am a busy broke

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 15:44:28 GMT

I have $5.82 exactly to last me until August 1st, after all my bills are paid. Talk about just making it. I sent a dignified ~~plea~~ for money to my mother via e-mail. They're vacationing (again) so she shouldn't recieve it until today or tomorrow. I am waiting for the lecturing phone call about budgets and extravagant spending and why don't you call you sister more?

It is going to be a long fucking month.

Thinner

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 13:27:57 GMT

I'm getting thinner. Much thinner. My boobs? Getting smaller.
Life is full of bittersweet victories.

Dance it out

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 18:22:22 GMT

So, I might be taking up salsa. I desperately need a hobby, anyway, and I do love dancing. Salsa seems more practical than belly dancing, and also more... I don't know, passionate. I inquired via e-mail about classes starting (eep) July 7th, though I'll most likely wait 'til August.

On one hand, I'd rather do private lessons and save myself the humiliation of learning with my peers. But then again, I know how badly I need to socialize. Maybe the private lessons will be outrageous and I'll be forced to mingle with beginners like myself. I think that would be good for me.

I think this will be good for me.

Bust

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 17:41:59 GMT

Date was a bust. I went in with a level head and good humor, but after awhile I just gave up as so not to encourage him. Diagonal from our table was another couple having an equally bad time. The girl and I kept exchanging bored, knowing glances as our respective men just kept talking and talking. I will not be seeing him again. I hate dating.

If pledging to NPR just for the fabulous swag is wrong, I don't want to be right. I haven't done it yet, but it's something I've seriously considered. Oh, the spirit of giving is rich within me.

Fourth of July

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 19:42:19 GMT

Well, I have a date. I'm calling it a meet-and-greet, so as to take the pressure off of me. I hate dating, and I'm betting on this guy sucking. But, you know... boot straps, etc.

This weekend, Bart's coming down to visit! I'm hoping for days of fun and excitement for us all. It'll be a smash. Love everywhere. He's bringing down his new girlfriend. I've spent several days thinking about what we can do for fun with zero success. Harris isn't much help, either. We fail as friends.

Still... excited!

Yeah, we broke up...

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 13:41:06 GMT

... but I'm keeping the key. Sweet.

Oh yes, the finger.

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 18:15:33 GMT

My left pointer finger is still numb. A week ago, it was painful to brush against anything. Now, it's a delightfully strange sensation that's also a little unsettling. The dead skin just fell off, as did the scab. The exposed skin is pink and fresh, sitting right in the middle of a large lump of scar tissue that has already formed under the skin. Tapping my fingernail against my desktop, I can feel the pressure of hitting the wood only halfway down my fingernail...then it abruptly stops, and the remained of my finger tingles madly.

I wonder if it will be this way forever.

Time goes by

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 15:56:30 GMT

This month, last month... this whole year has gone by so quickly. So much has happened in such a sort amount of time. You know, I'll be 21 in exactly two months tomorrow? Time do fly.

Yesterday hit me kind of hard. Father's Day always does. I tried calling my father several times, but we kept missing each other and played a few hours of phone tag. If I may be overly poignant for a moment, that sums up the majority of our relationship. Almost, but not quite, connecting. I love my father very much, but I was almost relieved when he didn't pick up his cell phone.

All my life he's been my hero, and I guess I'm still a little intimidated and in awe. I'd rather watch from a distance and remember him as he was in my little girl memory than face the adult reality of what he is today. Not that he's an awful man, but he's not the martyr I imagined him in childhood. A part of me is scared to lose that solid, strong part of my life.

I guess that makes me weak, but I see so much of his influence and personality in my character. And that makes me happy, because there is such a large part of him that will always be with me.

For Hils

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 17:41:36 GMT

1. name:
2. birthday:
3. place of residence:
4. what makes you happy:
5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last:
6. do you read my lj:
7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it:
8. an interesting fact about you:
9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. favorite place to be:
11. favorite lyric:
12. best time of the year:
13. Do you remember when we met?
14. Have I been a good friend to you?
15. Tell me something you've never told me before.

PLUS

1. one thing you like about me:
2. two things you like about yourself:

Four years in the making

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 17:08:18 GMT

Ladies and gentlemen, I have my laptop. Compaq Presario V2000 with a 3 year covers-it-all warrenty. It was the demo, so I got an extra 5% discount. I took Harris along to check it out and make sure I wasn't getting cheated. $740 after everything. Wifi, what an amazing invention!

After four years, I finally did it.
And as a bonus, I was cleaning out an old laptop carrier I bought a few years ago, and I found a digital camera that I lost over a year ago! 3.2 megapixel Polaroid. Hell yeah. :)

Show some love

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 20:17:01 GMT

I bought this shirt on Friday.
<3 <3 <3

I do everything alone.

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 18:23:46 GMT

Can I just say, I am so excited about my eyebrows right now.

Mini breakdown

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 14:29:58 GMT

I was freaking the fuck out yesterday. I called Harris three times and Hilary and Gordy twice. In a row. Then I played two hours of Fable before the XBox crashed. That pissed me off, so I called H again and Hilary and Gordy two more times. Nobody would pick up. I was getting majorly aggressive for something so silly. I left work in a bad mood, and it only got worse as things failed to go my way.

So naturally, Harris was really out cheating on me and Hil and G were ignoring me because they didn't want me to come over after all. Naturally. Because that's the only logical explanation there is.

The note I left for H:
I guess you're not coming home. I hope you're having some fun. Me, not so much. My sky is falling. Maybe it's time to go into hiding for a while.

I think my overexposure to people lately has turned me into a demanding little drama queen.

Goodbye, bright future.

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 17:58:21 GMT

How the Government Fucked Me, Part One:
I am living on my own. I am single, perky and young. However, I am not:

1. twenty-four years old
2. married
3. a parent

... And because of this, I will very likely be declined for Federal Financial Aid.

I was crying on the phone, begging the customer service guy to help me. As if he could. 'Their hands are tied.' "You could always apply for loans," he chirped cheerfully, oblivious to the crashing roar of my life ENDING AT THE AGE OF 20.

IF I HAD THE MONEY TO PAY BACK STUDENT LOANS I WOULDN'T NEED GOVERNMENT AID. I don't want more debt! I worked hard - three jobs, eating out of cans, working 80 hour weeks - for years to get myself into a good job that would permit me to educate myself. THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN, GOVERNMENT! THAT'S WHERE YOU REWARD MY DEDICATION AND UNBREAKABLE SPIRIT! THAT WAS PART OF THE DEAL!

What the fuck am I going to do now?

I am so hungover.

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 14:01:55 GMT

Last night, I get a text message from Patrick (The You're too young for me guy I dated just before meeting Harris) asking me out to Thai. I had already told him in a previous e-mail that I was seeing someone, so stop ignoring me already. Two months of no contact, and out of the blue he messages me. So, I went. I mean, why not?

We dined at this fabulous little seven table hole in the wall with the most adorable manchick waiter. Patrick brought a bottle of white wine to go with dinner, which we polished off easily. The Pad Thai is described on the menu as 'unbelievably delicious,' and I was only sort of mildly in disagreeance. Had there been more tofu, the description would have been spot-on. Conversation was always easy with him and I was very pleased that nothing had changed.

Left with nothing to do after 10PM, I suggested we hit the park with more chardonnay and make like delinquent teenagers. So we sat on the docks of White Rock, drinking expensive white wine straight from the bottle. At one point we fell asleep, looking up at the sky and remarking on the mating habits of ducks. It was so carefree and irresponsible, exactly the type of thing that is only okay to do with Patrick. My personality with him is unusually laid back. I can't explain it.

He dropped me off around 1:30AM, and promised to take me to Saturday Night in the City next month. I don't know if he will or not; I don't know if he'll ever call again. I've got my closure. All night, it was friendly and fun without any pressure or romance. He will either see how great it is to hang out as friends or he will decide, like last time, that it isn't worth the trouble.

I almost don't mind the headache.

Police rant

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 16:33:46 GMT

Panhandling is against the law in Dallas, but like every other fucking law in this city, the police are having "a hard time" enforcing it.

I take 75 to Mockingbird every working day at rush hour. For the past week and a half, there has been an able bodied man standing on the corner begging for change. Standing on the corner? Hey, when I'm in my car I can ignore someone standing on the corner. But when he starts weaving his way through the stopped cars and pauses at my window to stare at me expectantly, I have a problem. I have a problem when I'm walking down the street and a panhandler follows me and force feeds me his story. I have a right to be left the fuck alone when I'm out and about. It isn't just a safety issue, it makes the whole town look trashy and it makes me extremely uncomfortable.

FIX THIS PROBLEM.

Is it election year yet?

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 20:55:49 GMT

"This week, the Senate begins debate on the Marriage Protection Amendment [Federal Marriage Amendment]. And I call on the Congress to pass this amendment." - George W. Bush, June 5th, 2006, 1:45 p.m.

NO.

Oozing

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 15:19:16 GMT

My hand is healing nicely. My index finger is no longer the oozing gash it was three days ago, though I still have almost no feeling in the tip. I've graduated from gauze to a simple waterproof band aid. Liberation is at hand. I can play video games again!

I got a telephone call from Alex Saturday afternoon. He was on the internet, looking for photos of me with my ex boyfriend. That guy is getting weird. But I gave him some websites, anyway. Fuck it.

It seemed like such a good idea at the time

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 14:42:27 GMT

So, I was washing out my favorite tea pot last night.

I had the whole evening planned for cleaning and straightening and general housewife chores. I started the laundry (and left it laying all over the bedroom floor) and then switched to dishes when I saw a crunchy dead roach in the corner of the room behind my bedside table.

The teapot is a bowl of thick glass set into a plastic black handle. When it's washed, water and soap gets stuck between the plastic and the glass. It's designed to come apart so that it can drain and dry properly. I was doing that, taking it apart, that which has been done a million times since I bought the damn thing, and my hand went through the glass.

I gashed my left index finger pretty good, my thumb not as badly. There's just a small cut on my middle finger, and an even smaller scratch on my ring finger. My pinkie lucked out completely and wasn't even touched. (I owe this to my fancy, pinkie lifting ways.) In my panic, I looked for a towel to stop the river of life that flowed from my fingertips. I had to use my favorite yellow dish towel instead of the dark green one in my bedroom, since I would have never made it across the apartment without bleeding all over myself and the rug. Not that I didn't try.

First I called mom to whine, and then I called Harris to drive me to the emergency room. Like a true knight, he sped over and assessed the damage. I was originally set on going to the hospital to have it looked at, fearing nerve damage and stitches. He talked me into Dr. Walgreen's instead, where we picked up Bactine (No sting my foot)and waterproof super band aids. H. then washed my hand, disinfected it, picked out towel fuzz and bandaged me up while I cried like a baby. He even wiped the blood off the linoleum, because I was afraid it would stain. After that, I felt better.

I had to change the band aid on my index finger this morning because I was bleeding out, but it looked like it was on it's way to closing itself. It's still bleeding and it fucking hurts, but I think I might just make it. My left hand (Good for driving, playing ping pong and cutting meat) is pretty much useless for now. If I attempt grasping of any kind, my index finger feels like it's being ripped at the seams. I still might need stitches, but I'll wait a few days and see if I can't bounce back on my own.

I am so pissed. My favorite tea pot and my favorite dish towel are both ruined. How will I ever move on?